REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO PLAY "BANG BANG" YOU SHOT ME DOWN!

Catching me in that out-of-bed French bun speaks nothing more of if not otherwise the nonchalant smirk...... upon a mahogany dusk of the keyboard, plain indulgence in hors d' oeuvre.

I dreamed of a world i once knew so well. Where i swirled across sifted sand, running to fly..... oblivious to stubborn grains..... at dusk, descending into a violet-aquamarine mirror pool, embracing the breath of moonlight amidst shifting clouds and waters, gazing at constellations studding belts that welt the skies.

My quirkiest fantasies reign in love, death & transcendence in the beats and pace of my renaissance within a dome glass shield...... starlight dancing w/ riesling & BLOOD MARIE pot rouge to atypical buddhabar..... carrying a strange dignity, as if i was an emissary of a secret order, a messenger from a lost kingdom.

I'm still trying hard to remember...... since i was a little girl, everything has always been handed out to me on the proverbial silver platter..... maybe that's why i'm always discontent. i find myself feeling nostalgic for a childhood long gone.......

growing up was easy, but becoming an adult is really hard. i wish they gave out instruction manuals for making the transition from a girl to a woman. Oh yes, they already have all those self-help books that'll help you master ways to seduce a gazillionaire and secure a "happy and successful" life, satisfaction guaranteed.

Here's a good one: "The Fabulous Girl's Guide To Decorum & Getting The Man Of Her Dreams".

How absogoddamnlutely boring.

albeit, i was never one to follow instructions or keep within the boundaries of rules, normality and all the other conceptual hogwash that are made up and imposed by ugly and stern-looking grown-up men (okay fff-ine, sometimes women) in their equally ugly and starched-stiff suits......

i've never really been obedient, always marching to my own anthem as most of you already know / are able to tell. Figuring that if i had just an ounce more of pent-up dogged determination, i'd be a lil' miss somebody by now. I wouldn't be here-- zombified in front of the pc whilst creating a "fidelity in delusions" webpage. a pity though, that abandoning things halfway has always been as instinctive as a flip of my hand. Quite tragic indeed.

but, then again while sitting on my tush and feeling utterly incapable of accomplishing anything that might serve as a contribution for the greater good of mankind or something that sounds just as immortal, i do long for something more. Mediocrity is something i will never consign my fate to.

All i can do for now is dream.......... dream in order to be and believe in order to hopefully, become.

Gradually then suddenly, i will become the person i was always meant to be......... me.

Nevertheless, it's undeniable...... my inner anti-heroine whispers in the slightest ethereal voice ringing sovereignty, love and hedonism.

~~ always LIKE FINGERPRINTS ON YOUR HEART

XOXO!